Lord of the Armors
by Nyghtvision
Summary: Like 'Lord of the Rings' Like humor, sock puppets, and the Ancient One? Step this way, children, for a hilarious, beautifully written parodyactionadventure. Note: No sock puppets or elves were harmed in the making of this fic.
1. One Armor to Rule them All

Lord of the Armors  
  
By Caspian Nyghtvision  
  
Summary: A rather strange, yet interesting and potentially hilarious plotbunny. Using the entire cast of Ronin Warriors, a few sock puppets and a machine that goes 'Ping,' I shall try to recreate the classic epic that is "Lord of the Rings." However, it is not necessary to have seen the movies or read the books for this fic, though you probably should.   
  
I do not own the works of Tolkien--  
  
Chorus: (dutifully) Blessed be the works of Tolkien.  
  
I do not own the works of Bandai--  
  
Chorus: (chanting) Blessed be the works of Bandai.  
  
I do not own anything that belongs to Monty Python or Terry Pratchett--  
  
Chorus: (chanting) Blessed be the goodness that is British Humor.  
  
And, most importantly, there will be no Mary Sues or any of their demonic ilk.  
  
Chorus: (chanting) May they rot in hell. Amen.  
  
=========================  
  
A change is coming. I feel it in the air. I smell it in the back of the closet. I taste it when I lick parking meters. Much that once was is now kaput. Oddly enough, we don't care.  
  
And now, for some obligatory mystical-sounding exposition: Talpa, the Demon Lord, who had some serious hygiene problems, tried to use the armor to destroy Earth, for personal reasons. But the Ancient One wonked him a few times with his staff, and created the Nine Armors, and it worked itself out. Little to no mention was made of teenagers.  
  
If we leave out the confusing pointless bits about White Inferno and Black Inferno and that weird little armor White Blaze wears on formal occasions, there were just nine armors. Nine, that's it, not eight, not ten. DEFINITELY not ten, no matter how much the amazingly gorgeous Mary Sue tries to convince you that she's the long-lost bearer of the Tenth Armor.  
  
So, there were definitely nine.   
  
Five for the Ronin Warriors, the masterless ones--  
  
Hardrock of Earth,  
  
Strata of Sky,  
  
Halo of Light,  
  
Torrent of Water,  
  
Wildfire of the Flame.  
  
Four for the Dark Warlords, the devoted ones--  
  
Illusion, the Summer;  
  
Venom, the Autumn;  
  
Darkness, the Winter;  
  
Oni, the Spring.  
  
Again, you will note that there are not teenagers mentioned. Especially not ones with bad haircuts.  
  
Yet soon may come a time when teenagers with bad haircuts decide the fate of all.  
  
=========================  
  
The sun was shining. Yes, technically it always shines, somewhere on the Earth. Just because there's three feet of clouds and half a planet blocking it from view doesn't mean the bloody thing isn't up there shining away, like it has been for the past gajillion years, give or take a squillion or two. But at this particular moment it was shining, and I don't want to hear you arguing about it. Let go and move on.  
  
The sun shone on half the planet, and it shone on a place that would have been the Shire in Middle Earth, except this is a parody which drags the Ronin Warriors into it. So the sun shone on a remote little village in sort-of-medieval Japan.   
  
Where a boy was sitting against a tree. Reading a book. Yep.  
  
Well, okay, he was sleeping. And snoring like a half-throttled badger demon. But he had the book open in his lap, and if you tried to take it away from him, a pair of stunning blue eyes with ridiculously long eyelashes would snap open. And the boy would yell, "I'm reading that!" and would probably hit you with it.  
  
Technically he wasn't a boy. He was a Young Man. A guy. A teenager of about fifteen, possibly older. He had an athletic figure that was the result of too much soccer, and his wild shoulder-length black hair was too wild and curly to take completely seriously. He had ridiculous sideburns, too. But his famous vivid blue eyes had their insanely thick and beautiful black lashes, and his sunburned nose was snubbed and rather adorable.   
  
... And the fangirls salivated. Some of the fanboys did, too, but they were beaten back by the fangirls, who can be bloody savage when hormonally roused.  
  
Oblivious to the dying screams of the yaoi fanboys, the Author Caspian amused herself by making a bumblebee fly in and out of the sleeping teen's mouth.  
  
Bumblebee: Bzzzt. Bzzzz. Bzzz?  
  
After a while, the Author Caspian grew bored of this.  
  
Eventually a cart came clattering over the cruddy road. It was pulled by a vicious shaggy-coated pony, and driven by a serenely smiling old man. The old man wore faded blue monk's robes and a battered straw hat that covered half his face. Long, straight white hair fell down his back.  
  
He pulled the pony to a halt as he approached the sleeping teen and immediately starting quoting Zen, or something like it. "The day is, and the day is not. Would not the fool fail to embrace it?"  
  
The boy promptly woke up. "Ancient! You came!"  
  
"The badger burbles at the hour of our meeting!" The Ancient One replied calmly. "Cheers, Ryo Sanada."  
  
Ryo climbed into the cart next to him. "I was wondering when you would come. My grandfather's birthday is tomorrow! You're late."  
  
"One is never late. One arrives precisely when one means to. One may ask: is this the meaning of life? One may answer: Cabbage."  
  
"I've missed you, Ancient," Ryo grinned comfortably.  
  
They clattered on in companionable silence. A few small children ran out into the road, because they were brilliant, and began chasing the cart. "It's the Ancient One! It's the Ancient One!"  
  
"He's bringing the alcohol for Uncle Hariel's Birthday!"  
  
"Can we have some liquor, Ancient? Please!"  
  
The Ancient grinned beneath his wide-brimmed hat. A six-pack of sake mysteriously fell off the cart and exploded.  
  
"Yay!" the small children cried, grabbing undamaged bottles and scampering off.  
  
"Their parents are going to be furious," Ryo said.  
  
"The scarecrow must embrace the toaster. For is it not written: You guys could use some serious livening up?" the Ancient replied.  
  
Ryo smiled at his sneakers. "You know, before you started showing up, the Sanadas were respectable people! Then you came and 'livened up' Uncle Hariel, and now we're just weirdos!"  
  
"It is written: The weasel never spanks the same place twice. Is it not said, Hakuna Matata?"  
  
"Uh..." Ryo looked adorably blank. "That's good..."  
  
====================  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
===================  
  
Whether you like it or not. Well, no. I'd like to get reviews, and I have most chapters completed, so I'll just wait and see what happens... dangles fic in blatant bribery  
  
Lv,  
  
Caspian Nyghtvision  
  
caspianscholarhotmail.com  
  
www.fanfiction.net/Nyghtvision 


	2. One Armor to Find them

_Lord of the Armors_

By Caspian Nyghtvision 

****

Part Two: Cast of Characters

To All Rabid 'Rings Fans: Please don't fault me for messing with the LotR canon. It's almost impossible to write crossovers without causing distortions. If you want proof of my good intentions, I will recite Eldarion's family tree back to Melian and Thingol for you.

To All Rabid 'Ronin Fans: Same goes for all of you. If you want proof of my good intentions, I will recite the original Japanese names of every Ronin, Warlord and most bit parts, plus I will provide useless random bits of knowledge at no extra cost. For example, 'Talpa' is Latin for 'mole.'

Also, I suppose I should mention this for clarity. Consider it a Lord of the Rings Crash Course, as well as an insight into my confused little mind. (produces pointer)

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

RYO will be playing FRODO, for obvious reasons. Besides the similarity of features, similar names and Enormous Blue Eyes of Doom, both have a slightly annoying tendency to steal every scene. Also, both like to wander around being Angsty and Responsible until Somebody beats them with a Stick.

HARIEL will be playing both BILBO and ISILDUR. (Isildur: rather stupid King who refused to chuck The Ring into the volcano. Has about 3.2 seconds screen-time in movie, where he chops off Sauron's finger.)

YULIE will be playing GOLLUM, again for obvious reasons. Both are short, creepy evil spawns of Satan who like to follow Angsty Main Characters around until the Angsty Main Characters go mad. Both deserve to be chucked into volcanoes at the end. (Ryo greatly regrets not chucking Yulie into the volcano the first time he had the chance. Now he will.)

ANUBIS will be playing ARAGORN, the Kingly Main Character. You must all love, worship and adore Anubis. (pulls out picture of Anubis and passes it around) I shall make subtle references to Anubis's greatness throughout this fic. If you are not rabid Anubis fans by the end of this fic, I shall be very disappointed.

SEKHMET, glorious Sekhmet, will be playing GRIMA "WORMTONGUE," because he has to, but he will not be a total bad guy, because I love him. You must all love and adore Sekhmet and glomp him muchly.

PROFESSOR KOJI will play THEODEN (the possessed old king) because he is the right age, and he also gives small children nightmares. DENETHOR's role has been cannibalized into this one, because there are not enough scary bearded men to go around. It should work out fine.

BADAMON will be SARUMAN, although he is too short. The fact that Badamon is blue and transparent should be overlooked.

THE NETHERSPIRITS have agreed to play THE RINGWRAITHS, but instead of screeching like a garbage truck with bad air brakes, they shall play eerie high-pitched flute music like a garbage truck with bad air brakes. They are contractually obliged to wear black, but have decided against using giant black horses.

THE SUN DEVIL will be the BALROG. snigger

MIA will be ARWEN, in the sense that she is Anubis's love interest. Kayura looked more like Arwen, but the author does _not_ want to go there. In a blatant canon distortion, she will also be GALADRIEL.

KAYURA will be EOWYN, in the sense that she is a kick-ass girl and an incredibly cool character.

THE ANCIENT must be GANDALF, though he will have a slightly more Zen philosophy. (i.e., he's _supposed_ to be incomprehensible, for the enlightenment of your mind.) The Ancient is happy to have the part, and he says, quote, "What is the sound of one toaster barking?"

TALPA will be SAURON, though he'll be a Giant Disembodied Head rather than a Giant Disembodied Eye.

SAGE will be LEGOLAS, due to his blondness, Physically Impossibly Perfect Hair, fangirl appeal, and his tendencies to wear green, climb trees, glow in the dark, and randomly say pointless-but-attractive things.

CYE will be SAM, because he's got the hair, the frying pan, and the mothering instinct. Also, he has the valuable ability to look utterly adorable when pissed off. The author promises to take very good care of our cute little Cye.

KENTO will be GIMLI, because this amuses the author. She loves Gimli and Kento and can't understand why no fangirls want them. (Except Rogue Ronin, of course. .) She huggles them muchly and wants to have them in her closet, so they can kill things for her and go "AUCH!" Kento will be supplied with lots of cheeseburgers and plenty of things to obliterate.

THE NETHERWORLD will be MORDOR. It did not have much say in this, as it is not an animate being.

MISC. DYNASTY SOLDIERS will be ASSORTED EXPENDABLE ORCS. They have been supplied by Mindless-Minions-R'-Us.

SUIKO (JAWBREAKER) THE ORCA WHALE will be the WATCHER IN THE WATER. The author realizes these characters may be obscure for your average or garden fan: the Watcher in the Water is the giant squid-like creature that lives in the puddle outside Moria, and Jawbreaker (Suiko) is Cye's friend the orca.

A RANDOM SPIDER BELONGING TO DAIS will be SHELOB. (We may have to feed the spider Miracle-Gro™ before it reaches the correct size.)

WHITE BLAZE will play SHADOWFAX. (Shadowfax is the giant slow-motion white horse who gallops in slowly whenever Gandalf whistles.) Nobody should notice that he is actually a tiger, though he is white.

BLACK BLAZE will be THE FELL BEAST that the Witch-King rides. He will also be called upon to play Minor Parts of Evil.™

LORD SABERSTRYKE can be the Witch-King, just because.

DAIS and CALE were going to be Merry and Pippin, or perhaps they were going to split Boromir's part. Unfortunately there is no good replacement for Boromir, and Merry and Pip just wouldn't work. You'll just have to wait and see.

There is no Ronin canon character who could ever take the place of LORD ELROND. However, the all-around-incredible Lord Halfelven is bearer of Vilya, the Ring of Air. This is similar enough to Rowen's powers to do a quick shuffle-up. However, the part will be changed; you'll see how.

All 'Rings bit-parts will be taken care of—don't worry.

--------------

Reviewer responses. And be warned, I'm in a hyper and immature mood right now. Expect glomping, running around, weasel pliers, and extreme randomness.

**Rogue Ronin: **ROGUE! (flying tackle) HI! Thanks so much for stopping by, Rogue! (steps back and points Rogue out to random passersby, childishly) This is my OLDEST friend in fanfiction. ROGUE! (glomps her again)

**Lli: **LLI! (repeats the Caspian Glompage Performance™) Lli darling, I appreciate you more every review and glomp you muchly. I still do not know how you manage to read in so many fandoms… Please don't implode, I would miss you. In the meantime, I should probably put a warning notice on the fic. (frowns) Here, have a pair of weasel pliers, you might find them useful.

**Lady Aymberya: **It FITS? (randomly runs outside and looks at fic) You're right… it _does_! Sort of. I hope it will help you make sense of both stories, which really are rather confusing. I'm glad it was fun to read. You're very very welcome, and here is the next chapter for you. Thanks for your review, and enjoy the read.

**Kapaleat: **Thanks for your support, kapaleat! I will! (hugs you for good measure)

**Crazyroninchic: **(reads your review and melts into small puddle) Thanks, crazyroninchic! Have we met? Well, it doesn't matter, you will need this armor and these pillows because I am going to tackle you now. (Does so.) And, because I am in a very hyper mood, I will give you a piece of chocolate and another pair of weasel pliers. (Does so.) I am grateful and happy for your review and hope you keep reading and enjoying the fic. I will try not to change. (Awards you another pair of weasel pliers.)

(Caspian clicks her own pair of weasel pliers) Coming up next, idyllic pastoral scenes and the Ancient being a smartass.

Lv,

Caspian Nyghtvision

caspianscholarhotmail.com

www.fanfiction.net/Nyghtvision


	3. One Armor to Bring them all

Lord of the Armors

By Caspian Nyghtvision

Part Three

A/N: Might be a boring chapter here, if you don't like exposition and short hairy people and all that. Sorry.

Pipeweed belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. You really have to wonder, don't you?

Rivendell belongs to same. Couldn't think of Ronin-verse equivalent, plus I just love Rivendell. J

Ronins belong to Bandai.

Peter Jackson is the man who made the LotR movies.

-------------------------

_"One armor to rule them all,_

_One armor to find them._

_One armor to bring them all_

_And in the darkness bind them."_

-------------------

Uncle Hariel's Funky Little Hole

-------------------

Hariel wasn't exactly Ryo's uncle. He was more like a very, very distant ancestor, a few millennia old, though he still looked only slightly older than his descendant/cousin. His longish tangled hair was thick and black, and there were only slight crows-feet around his hazel brown eyes. The inhabitants of Toyama were pretty dense, and they couldn't remember just how long Hariel had been with them, but they knew that something was up with that.

Hariel had forgotten how old he was, but he never missed a birthday, so he'd decided that this year he was Eleventy-One, mostly because nobody had any idea what the heck Eleventy-One meant, but also because he liked the sound of it. Very random.

He went to answer the knock at the door.

"Hariel! Verily wobbles the basilisk's eyebrow!"

"Ancient One! You came!"

They embraced. In a manly fashion, of course.

Hariel stood back from his old friend and looked him up and down. "Ancient, it's been too long! It seems like centuries since you dragged me off on that last pointless adventure of yours!"

"Ah. Which?" The Ancient might have been confused, but it was hard to tell with the hat.

"Oh, you remember, the one with the great bloody dragon and all those annoying short hairy people? We had lots of fun rampaging across the countryside, whacking random demons with swords?"

"Ah, yes, that one. Well, actually, it's _been_ centuries since that one. Sponges may sponge, but sponges that explode never absorb again. You don't look a day older than you did back then."

"Oh, well," Hariel said dismissively, "Fresh air, er, lots of Nachos, plenty of soccer, a nice quiet life. Keeps you young, I guess." Changing the subject quickly, he said, "Oh, and you've still got your stupid hat."

"Yep. And my staff. And the weird little purse around my neck." The Ancient jingled his staff. "Like the sentient barking snail, I keep my purse closely!"

Hariel blithely ignored this; most people learned to tune out the Ancient after a few centuries of knowing him. "Good, good. Come in, sit down, we've got a lot to talk about. Have some tea?"

"It is also said of sponges: when spilling tea, they will wipe."

"Uh, that's... good. Sugar?"

"Two lumps."

They drank their tea while kneeling at a small table, in keeping with the plot's rather desperate attempt to create a Japanese 'feel.'

"Look, Hariel, would you mind a bit of pointless exposition here?"

"Not at all!"

"Right." The Ancient pulled out a pair of sock puppets and began acting out the Lore of the Armors for the benefit of the readers. "Hariel, you remember Spiffy the Pink and Gary the Grey, right? Good. A long time ago there were nine armors, and a bad poem was written about them. But Talpa created the Inferno Armor to control them, which he gave to his lieutenant Hariel-"

The man shifted uncomfortably and stared fixedly at the door hinge.

Gary The Grey Puppet continued in a reverent monotone typical of most weird history teachers. "--Who rebelled because the health insurance didn't pay for haircuts, and who led a Last Alliance of Long-Haired Men up the slopes of Mount Fuji to cast Talpa down. And there Talpa was defeated for the first time, though it was at the cost of Inferno, which fell into a river and drowned. And nobody cared, because it was far too confusing anyway, and looked rather corny."

Spiffy The Pink piped up, "And the people rejoice, and they did feast on lamb and carp and anchovies and pie and orangutans and fruit bats and breakfast cereals--"

"Ancient?" Hariel interrupted.

"and large chu-- What?"

"I know this already. I was there. Remember?"

The Ancient wiggled his sock puppets. "Exposition, my dear boy, the Backstory must be known."

"Couldn't it be made obvious in a few discreet paragraphs of description in the first chapter?" Hariel asked logically.

"No. And don't be logical. It interferes with the plotline."

"Yessir." Hariel went back to his doorhinge, still looking slightly embarrassed.

"Long have I studied the armors," The Ancient intoned, performing an Indiana-Jones-Like leap from one train of thought to another. "And long have I watched them, and wondered where Inferno had gone."

"Ooh, tell them about Yuli!" Spiffy squeaked.

"At the bottom of the riverbed, the armor waited…"

------------------

FLASHBACK

------------------

Two small, innocent children named Yuli and Usagi were playing in the river. Usagi was picking up shiny rocks when suddenly—

"Ooh, shiny." Usagi prodded the sparkly white crystal ball.

"Give it to me, I wants it," Yuli gurgled nasally.

Usagi looked at him oddly. "Why?"

"Because it's my birthday and I wants it, precious." Yuli's gigantic blue eyes took on a disturbing glint. Usagi didn't notice, because Yuli always had a disturbing glint. He was a master of the disturbing glint.

"Why?" asked Usagi again.

Yuli began to whine semi-coherently. "I wanna shiny armor--- nasty Usagi --- kill, kill, kill! Happy Birthday to Me… I wanna, I wanna, I wanna--"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I WANTS IT!" Yuli whined, his voice reaching killer pitch and volume. Usagi keeled over dead, bleeding from the ears.

"Heh-heh… my precious." Yuli picked up the armor and scuttled off somewhere.

------------------

End Flashback

-----------------

Hariel looked sick. "That was disturbing."

"It was meant to be. Now pay attention when the sock puppets speak! The dark Yuli-creature hid himself away in the dark basement of the YNYH… you remember the Young Netherspirit Youth Hostel, right, Hariel?" The Ancient's voice took on a slightly sarcastic tone.

"Yesss…"

"We spent the night there on our last Adventure?"

"Yes, yes…"

Gary the Grey looked at Hariel menacingly, which was no small feat for a sock puppet with eyes made out of halved Ping-Pong balls. "And then somebody – whose name we will not mention here – got separated from his group while looking for the showers, and got lost in the dark and endless basement. Desperate and thirsty, this anonymous person wandered for hours in the trackless labyrinth, losing his sense of direction and time… until he came to the Underground Kiddie Pool where the Yuli lurked, paddling about on a skateboard, catching frogs with his grasping hands and eating them raw… This person challenged the Yuli to a game of strip poker in exchange for finding the way out. Now, this Anonymous Person was very good at strip poker, and soon the Yuli was down to nothing but underwear. The Anonymous Person did not want to see the Yuli remove the underwear, and refused to play any more, demanding to be shown the way out. The Yuli began to whine and beg, offering to wager dead frogs and the half-rotten skateboard, until finally he agreed to wager his Precious; a glowing white crystal ball, which he had been using as a nightlight. The Anonymous Person was consumed with desire for the Precious and agreed to play one more game. He won it and managed to escape, with the Yuli's furious shrieks echoing in his ears – 'That bastard Sanada! We hates it, we hates it forever!'"

Hariel was pressed against the wall like a bug on a card, his handsome eyes shifting from side to side in feral terror. The Ancient pointed at him like the Angel of Doom.

_"_YOU! You're the Anonymous Person!! _You've got the bloody White Armor, don't you?!"_ The Ancient screamed. The lights flickered and Hariel cowered.

"Eeeurr…" The man's eyes scuttled like cockroaches on drugs. "I don't know what--"

"Don't play games with me, man, it's right there on the mantelpiece!" The Ancient pointed, vibrating with annoyance.

Hariel's shifty eyes landed on the glowing white crystal orb on the mantelpiece. _Note to self:  Do not hide potentially destructive trinkets on mantelpiece._ "Okay! Okay! I give up, I confess! I took the damned armor. But I did it because --- Ancient, I couldn't have left it there! Not with that creepy Yuli kid, and not when it was rightfully mine. I'd already lost it once!"

"Hah. The armor is already working its evil spell on you." The Ancient looked smug.

Hariel looked confused. "No it isn't, I just like it a lot."

"Like it a _lot?_ Like-like? As in, your _precious?_" The Ancient prodded. "Nudge-nudge, hint-hint?"

"No, not really, it's just… you know, shiny, and, you know…" Hariel made vague motions with his hands. "And when you put it on, it's really quite sexy…"

"Hah!" The Ancient pointed like the Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come.

"Stop going 'Hah,' all right? You're so damn annoying when you're smug. It's like whenever you do that whole 'dramatic, honorable suicide' bit of yours. Nobody can talk to you for weeks afterward."

"Let go of the armor," The Ancient snarled. "You don't know it, but it's responsible for your unnaturally long life, while it is paradoxically slowly sucking out your soul. Bwah-hah. Leave it here and move on. Why don't you head to Rivendell and enjoy the spas?"

"What? I can't just leave it here!"

"Give it to that nephew of yours."

"Ryo? He's not really my nephew. He's my great-great-great-great-great-great--"

"I don't care what the hell he is! Leave the armor here and go!" The Ancient took some random leaves out of his neck-purse, and rolled what looked suspiciously like a joint.

"I want to wait until my birthday," Hariel said reluctantly, hanging his head.

"No. That would use up too much valuable plot time. Besides," the Ancient gestured with his odd leaf-rolled object, "Verily, Peter Jackson cropped the idyllic but boring build-up scenes in the Shire to make room for his poncey androgynous blondes, did he not?"

Hariel was relieved; the Ancient seemed to be normal again. However, he'd better agree with everything, to be on the safe side. "Right, I'll do it right now. I'll sign everything over to my deadbeat sort-of nephew and go enjoy myself. You'll keep an eye on Ryo, right?"

"Three eyes, as often as I can spare them," the Ancient said blithely.

"Ancient, what have I told you about smoking the bloody pipe-weed in the house?"

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REVIEWER RESPONSES – Thank you all! And they're !TWO! !PAGES! !LONG! today!

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**Jenlinkitty **— I'm… glad. Thank you! I am definitely keeping at it, as you see… Here is a size 6 kangaroo, just for you.

**angelbaby **— Don't worry, darling, you'll see who Rowen is... Thanks very! Have a small yet fluffy squirrel-raccoon.

**bluesoup** – BLUE SOUP! (tackles you) Thank you for your review. I really appreciate it! I haven't forgotten that you reviewed 'The Lost Art of Wandering from Room to Room,' and I really appreciated it. I was too lazy to respond. Sorry. I appreciate your honest and constructive reviews. Here is your very own pair of weasel pliers – useful around the home, garden, office and battlefield! I love and admire when people give me suggestions, especially if they're as candid as yours. To answer your questions – I suppose it does ruin the moment when I stick myself in. I wrote the first chapters when I was considerably less mature as a writer, and I completely understand what you mean. Don't worry, you won't see any more of me that way. Anubis will work, I think; he won't be a total Aragorn, but he'll be close enough. Besides, I love the Warlords far more than the Ronins… You'll see who Rowen is… SaberStryke is the Witch King, I believe I mentioned that… I don't think I should put Luna and the Mad Scientist in, because I've never seen Gaiden, so I probably couldn't do them justice. Hariel floats my boat; I like him! Yes, I know he doesn't even exist, but doesn't he have a cool name? The Green Ghost Thingys? I think you mean the Dead. Yes, the Netherspirits can be those, too! Fun! (sigh) You want Nancy Legolas? You can have him. You want Nancy Seiji? You can have him, too. (packages them for you) That way, we don't need to worry. (grin) Here's your weasel pliers, mate.

**Lli** – Lli, I love you, you know that? (pulls out my own weasel pliers and helps you in re-enacting 'Dance of the Sugarplum Weasel Pliers.') I'm glad you liked my spiffy explanatory device! And it did look special, didn't it? I figured out how to do nifty word decorations, too. **Bold,** _Italic,_ Underline! And here, have your socks back. Hee-hee!

**Rogue Ronin** – You are one of the loyalest people I know and I am glad it makes you happy. Hmm… Kento Kento Kento Kento!! (watches you blush in amusement) Hee! Kento Kento Kento!! (giggle) Kento will get lots of screen time for you. Catch you on the flip side. Ja ne.

**kodachi1** – You know you're on the right track when you can get people to laugh at the character list. I'm so glad you're enjoying it so much. Well, here is more for you, I hope you can handle the wait. I really appreciate your review, and thank you muchly. (Grabs your hands and performs the Incredibly Silly Dance) I will keep up, if I can! (gives you some weasel pliers)

**night angel – **Thanks for your review! Cool! (cuddles and snuggles her copy of the One Ring) Thank you so much! I will love it and cherish it and name it "Pete." I will think of you whenever Pete and I are hiding in the soggy bushes, panting in terror as enormous mobs of flamers stampede by! Yeah, in retrospect, I should have put the cast list first. Think of the first chappie as the prologue, then, that entices you into reading the more boring cast list. Shh! You're not supposed to know about Faramir and Éomer yet! Though I'm impressed that you do. And I'm also impressed at the willingness to glomp Anubis. He is indeed a prince among bishies.

**Cookie Monster II** – CM, darling! How wonderful of you to turn up at this strange little party. I had no idea you liked Ronin Warriors. Most people have no idea. It's such an obscure, corny little show. Of course I remember who you are, I try not to forget reviewers. (Hides) Not the ruth! (joins in the shouting quite randomly) Thanks for all your reviews, and don't worry about not having the time and all that. I'm a pathetic reviewer myself. Come to think of it, I'm a pathetic updater, too. Sorry about that. (melts into small puddle) Bah, don't flatter me, I don't think I can handle it. Thank you so much, and thank you for the smilies! (pets them) I will see about the Ivory Files. You take care now.

**Crazyroninchic** – (points to you) So _that's_ where I sort-of remember you from! Sorry about that, it's harder to connect the folk from Swiftgold with the usernames on ff.net. I'm glad you liked the character list! You're welcome for the response… And don't worry about being beside the point, I always am, and I haven't been killed yet. Look, a seagull! (wanders off)

**GundamZero** – (blinks) What, there are a _lot_ of Ronin Crossover Parodies out there? Jeez, I should keep up. Thanks for your review, which I greatly appreciate. I also like your username. (pokes it) Here is your complimentary pair of weasel pliers. No need to bow, though I'm glad you're enjoying it!

**Firestorm**—Firestorm! Welcome! Yes, I've heard about you too from Rogue. On Swiftgold's site and to friends (i.e., generally everybody) I'm Caspian, but I'm C. Nyghtvision professionally. Sorry for the confusion. I'm glad the fic makes you laugh, and if you choose to read anything else of mine I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for the review! Want weasel pliers? (clicks them hopefully)

**Pyonchan** – GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN! (stares at your review in awe) Another Ronin/Rings/Pratchett fan? Can it be TRUE? You automatically rock! (keeps staring in joy/bewilderment) Well. Ahem… I love your review, thank you for it! I love getting ones like yours. I'm impressed, quite frankly. And, ooh, I've got wit and style! Spiffy. Thank you! No, I'm not Pratchett, though people have accused me of that before. That, however, is one of the highest praises I could possibly get. I wish somebody else was writing this fic, because then I wouldn't have to do the work, but I'd get to see how it turns out. I hope you enjoy the story as it wobbles on. And yes, that is the essence of fanfiction. Thank you. Caspian Nyghtvision does not drink banana daiquiris, but she has read Terry Pratchett's and Neil Gaiman's author notes, and she figures what the hell. (grin) Weasel pliers, mate? Invaluable in the garden or battlefield.

░▒▓▲►▼◄☺☻☼♀♂♠♣♥♦♪♫łώζǻǽ؟٭╠╝╔╦╬╗Tra-la-la-lally…


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